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Relationships: Discovering our different Emotional Needs Part I

ByResty Nasaazi

Feb 23, 2021

Men and women are different. Not better or worse- just different. About the only thing they have in common is that they belong to the same species. They live in different worlds with different values and according to quite different set of rules. Everyone knows this, but very few people, particularly men, are willing to admit it.

Look at the evidence. Around 50% of marriages end in divorce in Western countries and most serious relationships stop short of becoming long-term. Men and women of every culture, creed and hue constantly argue over their partners’ opinions, behavior, attitudes and beliefs.

When a man goes to a toilet, he usually goes for one reason and one reason only. Women use toilets as social lounges and therapy rooms. Women who go to toilet as strangers can come out as best friends. But everyone would be instantly suspicious of that man who called out, ‘Hey Frank, I am going to the toilet. You wanna come with me?’

 

Love emotions

 

Men dominate TV remote controls and flick through the channels; women don’t mind watching the commercials. Under pressure, men drink alcohol and invade other countries; women eat chocolate and go shopping. Women criticize men for being insensitive, uncaring, not listening, not talking, not giving enough love, not being committed to relationships, wanting to have sex rather than make love and leaving the toilet seat up.

On the other hand, men criticize women about their driving, for turning maps upside down, for their lack of sense of direction, for talking too much, for not initiating sex often enough and for leaving the toilet seat down. Men can never find a pair of socks but their CDs are in alphabetical order.

Women can always find the missing set of keys, but rarely the most direct route to their destination. Men think, they’re the most sensible sex. Women know they are.

Women can’t believe men are so unobservant. Men are amazed how a woman can’t see a red flashing oil light on the car dashboard but can spot a dirty sock in a dark corner 50 metres away. Women are bewildered by men who can consistently parallel park a car in a tight spot using a rear-view mirror, but can never find the G-spot.

Society today is determined to believe that men and women possess exactly the same skills, aptitudes and potentials- just as science, ironically, is beginning to prove they are completely different.

And where does this leave us? As a society, on extremely shaky ground. It’s only by understanding the differences between men and women that we can really start building on our collective strengths- rather than on our individual weaknesses.

Enormous advances have been made in human evolutionary science and in these writings, we show how the lessons learnt- when applied to male and female relationships, can give us all a solid and thorough understanding of the many strange things that happen between men and women.

Women gathered. Women nurtured

Things were simple: he was the lunch-chaser, she was the nest-defender. The woman’s role was clear. Being the child-bearer, her skills became specialized to meet that role. She needed to be able to monitor her surroundings for signs of danger, have excellent short range navigational skills using land-marks to find her way, and have a highly turned ability to sense small changes in the behavior and appearance of children and adults.

Her success was measured by her ability to sustain family life. Her self-worth came from the man’s appreciation of her home-making and nurturing skills. She was never expected to hunt animals, fight enemies or change light bulbs.

Men  hunted. Men protected

Man’s job description was straightforward: he was a lunch-chaser, and that’s all anyone expected of him. He would venture out each day into a hostile and dangerous world to risk his life a hunter, to bring food back to his woman and their children and he would defend them against savage animals or enemies.

He developed long-distance navigational skills so he could locate food and bring it home, and excellent marksmanship skills so that he could hit a moving target. His success as a man was measured by his ability to make a kill and bring it home, and his self-worth was measured by her appreciation for his struggle and effort.

There was never any need for him to ‘analyse the relationship’ and he wasn’t expected to put out the garbage or help change the nappies.

Men are naturally intuitive

Women are equipped with far more finely-tuned sensory skills than men. As child-bearers and nest-defenders, they needed the ability to sense subtle mood and attitude changes in others, that could signal pain, hunger, injury, aggression or depression. This is called ‘women’s intuition.’ It is something that has always bewildered men who play around- and are invariably caught.

Males being lunch-chasers, were never around the cave long enough to learn to read non-verbal signals or the ways of interpersonal communication. Brain scan tests show that when a man’s brain is in the resting state, at least 70% of its electrical activity is shut down.

Scans of women’s brains show a level 90% activity during the same state, confirming that women are constantly receiving and analyzing information from their environment. A woman knows her children’s friends, hopes, dreams, romances, secret fears, what they are thinking, how they are feeling and, usually, what mischief they are plotting. Men are vaguely aware of some short people also living in the house.

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